29. Soofia weds
Nazim had two children- Sufia and Aslam and their family was mostly
staying with us. Only after Nazim death, when her father fell ill, his wife went
to Aligarh when the two children were admitted to school there and thereafter
the three of them were in Aligarh. Subsequent all the uncles migrated to
America and after the death of the Nana, the three of them were
living in the ancestral house Mansoor Manzil along with the Nani.
Nazim’s wife informed that their daughter Sufi’s marriage was
being fixed with Sayeed who was in fact a friend of Aslam. I prepared some
clothes for Sufi and the mother. Sufi’s Dadi was staying with me in Rajendra
Nager but she could not herself go to Aligarh even though Sufi was one for who
she cared more than others due to Sufi’s meek and timid personality. Hassu and
I went along with Reyaz Bhai and were the first ones to arrive followed by all
my children including Ejaz and Reyaz. Only Mona could not go as she was
expecting (Ayesha).
Their House and the compound was spacious enough for all of us and other
guests. The Baratis were limited in number when they arrived and there were no
females from their side. It was an excellent arrangement and the food was just
exotic. It was all managed alone by Aslam. Sufi’s sasural was in Unnao not too
far from Aligarh where she went after the rukhsati.
When Reyaz was in Iran, he had a serious bike accident. Later on the civil
was also started brewing. So they decided to return to India.
Sheeraz had since grown up a lot and had become very fluent in colloquial
Persian. Iran has a major city by the name of Sheeraz so when he was there,
people were astonished to hear his name. When they came to India, both of them
started their own private practice in a house belonging to Humaira Bubu in Arya
Kumar Road, taken on rent. The practice, however, did not click which diverted
their thinking for going to Saudi Arabia. When Ayesha was expected,
around the d-day, Mona went to Jamshedpur and was admitted to the same hospital
where Sheeraz was born. It was the 14th day of the month of
Shabe-baraat, around the time of Maghrib when the call came from
Jamshedpur that a baby girl was born at around 4 PM. Mona was highly
desirous of the girl child this time as it was an age gap of 7 years between
the two children. I did the essential preparations like bangles and hand
printed clothes etc, with the help of Shahnaz. I took Haliman Bua this time and
reached Jamshedpur. The summer was again at the peak there as it was when
Sheeraz was born earlier. Mona told me that they had chosen the name Ayesha
Reyaz for her, which still continues. Mashallah now she is in the final year of
Arts graduation.
One of Tarique’s younger brother Jawaid has always been close to me and
calls me Amman. He used to keep coming to me frequently when I was alone and
often I used to take him along when I had to go to a doctor for treatment. He
wanted to become a doctor like his brother but didn’t get admission as it was
tough through competitive exam. In those days, Nawab Bhai had founded a private
medical college in Muzaffarpur and seats were available for entrance against
donation of a mere ten thousand rupees. But somehow the fresh session had
started and it was late to start the process afresh. Tarique asked me to write
a letter of recommendation to Nawab Bhai which I did and Jaiwaid was eventually
able to get the admission.
The time flew by and now he had become a doctor after the same medical
college was taken over by the Govt. One lady brought a matrimonial offer for
Jawaid to me. The girl was living around Patna city for education.
After hearing all kinds of praise, I told that lady that I am myself going to
Purnea and shall discuss with Tarique etc. who was the virtual guardian as
Jawaid’s mother had grown quite old. Jawaid wanted to meet the girl in a
restaurant before finalizing but from the girls side, there was initial
reluctance for the same. Eventually the girl’s father agreed and they assembled
in a hotel and Jawaid finally gave his consent and I was much relieved as my
responsibility was now over.
When Islam has already given the permission both for the boy and the girl
to see each other before the marriage, I have always wondered where from the
tradition of concealing the daughter under seven layers of veil has percolated
down in our society. Since my early days, I have seen more particularly in
Dhawalpura that the moment any Bua came with a proposal for marriage for any of
the girls, the poor girl was removed from there. It was understandable in case
of a disabled or unusually ugly girl but even in a normal case this was the
practice that was followed which I detested and attributed to lack of
education.
Moreover, the would-be-bride was made to sit for manjha 4 days before the
wedding day and she was not allowed to walk and instead was carried like a
child by one of the buas as if she was crippled. On the wedding day she was
allowed to eat sweet items only. I always considered all this as sheer nonsense
and brought all these flimsy practices to an end when it came to my daughters.
The occasion of the wedding, by itself is nerve wrecking for any girl as
she is suddenly going to enter an entirely new world with a different environment
and surroundings. All kinds of anxieties keep creeping in the mind.
Uncertinties of the treatment she will be subjected to after the marriage by
the husband and others in his family. As if all this is not adequate, her own
people used to subject her to utmost cruel practices just before the wedding.
For four days (reduced from seven days practiced earlier) the girl was locked
inside a small dark room and her food was given there itself. It was like a
jail. Twice everyday an awful stinking paste of ubtan made of turmeric was
rubbed all over the body, Shower was not permitted all this time till the day
of the wedding. Very pathetic kind of geets were sung as if the girl is going
to be butchered by the husband and she will never be able to return to the courtyard
of her childhood and never again see the face of her Babul again. All this was
done with religious fervor to make the situation unbearable for the would be
bride. They call it a SHADI ? which implies joy and celebrations.
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Chapter
INDEX.------------------------------------
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