31. Ejaz weds Mehar.
Mona was still in Patna while Reyaz had gone to Gizan alone in the initial period. When she also got an appointment there in the same hospital, the issue was that of looking after Ayesha when both the parents were on duty. Sheeaz was grown up enough now and could stay back with us in Rajendra Nagar but Ayesha was only one year old and had to remain together with her parents. Again I came to their rescue and offered that Haliman Bua be taken along to Gizan as she can cook and take good care of Ayesha as well. Mona was considerate enough to say that in the absence of Haliman Bua I will be facing difficulties but I told her that I can mange with someone else also.
Haliman Bua used to look after Ayesha very well but Sheeraz was a bit
naughty. In 1983 while Reyaz was still in Gizan, he got critically ill.
However, with the grace of God he was saved from the Neuro-surgery and
recovered just with the medication. When he had recovered, I visited Jizan
where Mona and Reyaz mentioned about getting Ejaz married.
Here in Patna also a number of proposals had come. My mind
however kept drifting towards the departed sister. How much
fascination she had to see the wedding of her brother. In her
absence, I needed some heart to perform this wedding. I never had a
preference for a girl with rural background. Comparatively, the girls from
cities are of open mind. The pairs are anyway decided in the Heavens, is what I
have always firmly believed; wheather anyone agrees with it or not.
Irshad often mentioned to me about the family of Monawwar Sultan and
wanted me to consider as theirs is a very humble and decent family. Anna and
Ejaz were classmates in the school. Masood Bhai too had written to me about it
earlier. Finally one day Monawwar himself came to meet me. Though he did not
mention anything about the proposal, I was immensely impressed by his looks as
well as mannerism. In our language there is an age old proverb that “
Kanya ko naa dekho kanya ke bhai ko dekho”(when the girl is not there to be
seen take a look at her bother!.). We knew one of their neighbors
and we checked with them about the girl’s temperament etc. and they gave very
positive kind of response. Further confirmation came from Zakkoo Bubu of Sharif
colony as her son was married to the middle sister in the same
family. Zakkoo Bubu was herself very unwell but her daughter Noori was all
praise for them and their nature. My priorities were met.
Minnu Bhai was closely related to Sabra Khala and she would often go there
to stay with them. After consulting Shahnaz and Nuzhat, I sent the
message through Irshad to them that I wished to visit them. Even though I had
seen the girl earlier but the intent this time was altogether
different. This was the first occasion of my lifetime to
see and judge a girl like this. I went along with Shahnaz. Minnu Bhai had the
traditional warmth beyond description. His wife was also very humble. The girl
was very much seen from before. I had not taken any sweets etc. for this
occasion to make it least conspicuous. The atmosphere appeared to be highly
conducive.
I then Called Nuzhat from Purnea. And all of us went there in formal mode
this time with sweets etc. Niamat was also there. Everyone gave a positive
response. The age old saying is that the daughter in law should never be
brought from a wealthy family where as the daughter should be married in an
affluent family. Then and there, we affirmed the alliance. A couple of years
earlier, actually Masood Bhai had mentioned the alliance with the
elder sister Naaz but as I said pairs are pre-determined in the Heavens.
We told them that the date can be finalized only when Reyaz can be here on
his annual vacation which suited them as well. Thereafter Minnu Bhai would
often come to meet me and always had quite a few anecdotes related to
Dhawalpura and Quasim Bhai. He had this hearing problem and used a hearing aid.
He always used to be full of humor and was of a jovial nature.
Only after Reyaz could specify the period of his leave, we consulted the
“jantari calendar” with Reyaz Bhai. 26th February 1984 was
eventually finalized from our side. After it was approved by Minnu Bhai and
okayed by Nuzhat, Neyaz and Nikhat were informed of the date. Sohail was like a
son to me and he promised to provide every help and support. At his
suggestion we got the house (Road No 8 C.) vacated to make space for the guests
that included Sohail’s elder brother Aslam and also the helpers who were to
come along with him. The only heart piercing aspect was that poor sister could
not witness this. She had a weakness for coming to Patna off and on and stay
for some time even without any special occasion.
Niamat was in Patna during that period and therefore Shahnaz was a big
help. The marketing was done mostly by her alone. She was smart enough and most
of the work was done under her advice. Then Nuzhat arrived and took Ejaz to
Benaras and purchased whole lot of Banarsi sarees.
I took out all the ornaments that was left with me and asked her if she
wanted to buy the Kangan I had that was of 16 Bhari, as I wanted to sell it
off. She had heated debate with me over this and argued that I had promised it
to be given to Ejaz - now how could I divert from the commitment.
She could not understand what will I do with the proceed of the sale.
Eventually I had to tell her that that Zakaat was due on me for
carrying all this ornaments all this time and I wanted to sell the Kangan to
pay for my zakaat. Good or bad, one thing remarkable about Nuzhat was that she
was stubborn in her decisions. Once she made up her mind for anything, there
was no going back; come what may. In a far more strict form she had inherited
this trait from her father. She took the Kangan to the jewelry shop for
valuation which was estimated at around rupees sixty five thousand. She paid
the same amount to me enabling me to pay my overdue zakaat. Thus, just like his
brothers, two sets went with Ejaz too. Much more than ever expected, she has
done for me personally and that too surreptitiously. Allah will compensate her
for the good deeds.
One of these days, as the wedding date approached, Reyaz called once and
asked me to convey to Minnu Bhai that we do not have any demand but would like
to have a good dinner arrangement. I did not convey this message to Minnoo Bhai
considering it was for him to offer as per his wishes. Late Doctor Sahib was
dead against any such demand.
As if absence of one sister was not enough, another mishap followed. Allah
so willed that Shahnaz who was the biggest help in all preliminary
preparations, suddenly fell severely ill. Leave aside walking, she was not even
able to make movement on the bed. Every joint got stiff and swollen
and became extremely painful. She was bed ridden just before the wedding.
One day Ejaz came from the Bank and asked something innocuous and for some
unknown reason the dam broke off. I could not hold my weeping and it went to
such an extent that Hassu etc. had to be called to see what had happened to me.
Next time, when Sohail arrived in his car with all the essential
commodities and vegetables. Poor fellow must have started early in the morning
and could reach only after it was dark. From the balcony of the first floor I
saw him getting down the car. Sans my daughter. I came to my room and fell down
on the bed and started weeping hysterically. Sohail then arrived on the door
and was standing like a culprit. After some time when I recovered a little
looked at Sohail.
“Why you have come all alone – where have you hidden my daughter”. I asked
Sohail in a state of trance.
Hell broke out once again. As I am writing all this on a piece of paper,
my condition is not very different.
Time is a great healer. One who is alive has to perform everything as
usual. By this time all my children had arrived. Neyaz had come alone as Shama
had earlier come for her brother’s wedding. Only Shahnaz still could not be
shifted from her flat as she was still unwell. I was extremely worried for her
rather strange medical condition. She was under the treatment of Dr.Mahender
Narayan and we all used to go to see her frequently as it was not too far away.
A day before the baraat, we have the practice of Manjha when “ubtan” takes
place and bari etc is decorated and displayed before being packed.
There was hardly any outside guest on the occasion except close relatives.
Nuzhat had already handed over the Kangan back. For the ears there was my own
heavy “jarau bijli” made of kundan. And for the necklace also there
was a heavy item of my own. The remaining 4-5 sets were not heavy. Looked like
Ok. Atar dan and the traditional Bottle was made of silver. I was given
a nath which I had passed on to Shama . its box was still
with me that was very impressive and probably of the same value as the nath
itself, was passed on to Mehar. The same nath of Shama was taken along then for
the occasion.
Finally Shahnaz was able to come with great difficulty. I had got Chhapa
sari for everyone which I handed over to them. Nuzhat had brought Banarsi sari
from Benaras which was also given. Others were also given respective
clothing. A number of helpers had come from Aslam’s village Bachhauta who were
all given a dhoti and for Aslam Babu himself I decided to give a pair
of Kurta and Payjama similar to that selected for Sohail. Reyaz gave
a suit length to Sohail. Most of the arrangements like cooking etc
were now being looked after by Sohail as Dulha Bhai, who was taking care of all
this earlier, was not there anymore. Sohail was a son to me as much as he was a
son in law.
Eventually the Baraat day arrived. Shahnaz when she came stayed back on
the ground floor itself. On every occasion such as wedding, or even otherwise
whenever needed, the two households on two floors of the house appeared to be
one single unit without any distinction. All functions of my family were held
in the hall of Hassu’s place. One room was exclusive for Kohbar for the
newlywed couples.
Sohail had the wedding invitation card printed in Calcutta
which had since been distributed. As from me, I had not invited too many
people. There were a number of friends of Ejaz and Reyaz. My good old loyal
Rashid had also come after quitting his present job even as I had asked him to
take a leave. He has always been like an active member of my household on all
occasions of merriment and mourning in the family and that the reason I have
plenty of regards for him. He had come to me when he was just a kid.
I had got embroidery made on the sherwani meant for Ejaz. By
evening all the baratis started arriving. Ejaz was dressed up in conventional
manner in the presence of the guests. Shafi, who was a friend of Reyaz tied the
pagri like a professional. Nuzhat’s son Ahmar, who was the youngest of the lot,
was to be the shahwala and I had got stitched a separate sherwani
and other accessories for him, which he was very excited to wear. He was made
to wear the pagri as well. I was desperate to get a pair of niagra
shoes for him which is worn by the grooms, but no one brought it from the
market for him. So after Ejaz got dressed up, in similar fashion the junior
Dulha was also decked up with all the fanfare.
Reyaz had brought video camera from Saudi Arabia captured all the
happenings. When everything was done Hassu came upstairs and me to come down
and see for myself. As I entered the hall Imaam zamin was being tied to the
forearm of Ejaz. In case of marriage of my own children I had since
discontinued the practice of tying the Imaam-zamin and instead used to give
them in the safety of Allah. I recited the three Quls from the Quran and Ayetal
Kursi and blessed him over. Kissed the forehead of both the Nuashas and bid
them adieu with a joyous note.
Minnoo Bhai himself had his flat in Krishnapuri but for the wedding he had
taken the house of Mahmood Alam, in Patliputra. I had asked him to keep a room
on the ground floor for Shahnaz who was still not in a position to climb stairs
as well as for Mobina who was chronic patient of angina. We were the last to arrive
there as samdhins along with Hassu and Humaira. On the first floor the
arrangement was in a large hall which was furnished with chairs and carpets.
They had very few selected guests of their own. The other two daughters also
could not come. Only Monawwar’s wife was in the forefront. Also present there
was mother in law of Naaz, Zakkoo bubu who was related to me a cousin, had come
with her daughters. to keep them at bay.
The hall was occupied mostly by the guests from our side. When the number
of guests are limited, the mismanagement also remain under control. The only
confusion was from the side of photographers and videography as they invariably
create a chaos. Some kids had fallen asleep on the carpet and it appeared that
the photographers will stumble over them. Eventually I had to shout on them
The call for dinner came. It was arranged in the shamyana inside the house
compound, that was very well decorated and the food was just excellent.
Baqarkhani was made in pure ghee and was outstanding. For the pulao a lot many
said they had never tasted something as good before. I liked the baqarkhani so
much that I got stuck to it and thus missed the pulao which remains a regret.
From the very beginning when I took my seat at the dining table a good
number of waiters and khansamas were hovering around my table. When the dinner
was over, one of them arrived with warm water and slice of lemon for the
hand-wash. Another one came with a rose on the plate. Then only I could make
out that we have been identified as the chief samdhins and they were expecting
a tip for their services. I don’t exactly remember how much I took out from my
purse and gave to them.
Mobina and Shahnaz had their meal in the same room where they were
resting. When we came back to the wedding all after the dinner we saw that
sitting there. Even as not many wedding rituals take place in marriages these
days, the same old miryasin from Phulwarisharif, who was always present in all
the functions of my family, we very much there to conduct a few of the age old
rituals. Each rasm entails some amount of tip for her. I asked the “mang”
(central partition of the hair of the dulhan) was filled with sandal paste
instead of the conventional sindoor. Ever since I read this hadith that sindoor
is prohibited in our religion, I ensured it be substituted with sandal paste.
Earlier when the nikah was over and as per the tradition Ejaz
was given a wrist watch, one of the baratis instigated young Ahmar to go to
Minnoo Bhai and ask for his wrist watch. Minnoo Bhai was very witty as he
retorted “I have no issues with the watch but at the end of it if you ask for a
young bride of your age, where will I provide her from ?”.
After all the formalities were over, we returned to Rajendra Nagar by
midnight. There had been no mismanagement. The reception from our side was
arranged in the shamyana set up in the field right opposite the residence. The
arrangement for the ladies and gents was segregated with a partition. 8
‘O’clock was the timing for the dinner. By seven, the dulhan was brought to the
stage. Hena and Pinky were made to wear exactly similar gharara as
of the bride and the two of them were seated on both side of
her. Sohail was the first to be there and offered the
salami in the form of bijli a kind of earring which the sister had got
made with so much eagerness during her lifetime, specially for this
occasion. He handed over the bijli in a box containing a couplet written in
Urdu and said something like “I am only the carrier who was assigned this
responsibility to hand it over to where it belongs”.
Virtually all the invitees had arrived but still there was no trace of
Mehar’s parents and brothers. When it crossed 9’Oclock and a few of my guests
wanted to leave, I directed to start the dinner as I didn’t want anyone to
leave without having the food. The dinner as also the baqarkhani bread was
prepared by the conventional cooks of Patna city. Two canister of pure ghee had
come from Purnea. The baqarkhani had to be exceedingly delicious. The quantity
of food was more than sufficient.
When most of the guests had finished the dinner, then my samdhi and
samdhan along with their other relatives arrived. The delay was
caused due to the breakdown of the vehicle on the way. There wasn’t much of
rasms to be performed except a few including the ornaments made of flower etc.
Everyone offered salami to the dulhan. All the brother in laws of Ejaz came one
by one to be formally introduced to the dulhan and the sisters gave earrings
each. Reyaz had purchased a color TV for the present from his side. Hassu gave
a pair of gold ring for the ears as she had earlier given to my two
other daughter in laws, one of whom was Shama, her own daughter. She had given
gold ring to all my son in laws in their respective marriages.
The entire function was over earlier than expected. But winding up
operations for the arrangements and storing the leftover cooked food was an
arduous task for the men-folk, Sohail in particular was involved there.
The next day, ear piercing ceremony of Ayesha and Tina was held. Haliman
took Ayesha to the goldsmith in the morning itself and got the piercing done
and came back. Everyone gave some gold item for the present and printed dopatta
was put on their heads with the sehra and the two of them was hugging and kissing
each other. It has all been captured in the video and makes a charming view.
Reyaz then put a cassette in the VCR for viewing a movie on the new TV.
When I asked the name of the movie, they told me the name is “Sadma” which
means “tragedy”. I protested that what an inappropriate name for the occasion;
but everyone told me that it is an excellent film. It was a Kamal Hassan movie.
When the movie started, it was so hilarious and engrossing the entire hall and
veranda got packed with viewers. The maids who were to prepare the lunch, left
the oven un attended and the result was that most of the items on the menu that
day got burnt.
At around 1’Oclock Monawwar and Anwar, the two brothers arrived for
Mehar’s return. The situation was that there was hardly anything to be offered
to them for lunch. The leftovers of the previous night, was somehow made good.
Later, the entire lunch had to be cooked all over again and then only the house
members could have their lunch. That movie Sadma, was nevertheless a memorable
one and is often repeated on the TV even these days.
Before the return of Mehar, a group
photograph of all the family members that was taken, with all the kids –
remains a memorabilia.
In the evening Mehar was sent back together with sweets, baqarkhani, and
maqooti etc. Even as her real name is Mehar Tabaan, everyone used to call her
Shinoo. But I liked the name Mehar which incidentally, is also the name of the
lady to whom Grand hotel belongs, and she is a very likeable person. So I
declared that I will call her as Mehar, and thus everyone else too followed
suit. As a matter of fact, she has proved herself to be an exemplary daughter
in law and an excellent wife. As Neyaz, Nikhat, Nuzhat etc were now about to
leave, after staying for a couple of days at her mayeka, Mehar came back here.
Whenever Mehar’s abba came to meet us, I usually had some halwa and other
homemade snacks to offer as I invariably had something or the other of that
kind in my stock. Traditionally, getting the snacks like samosa and rasgullah
etc. from the market, on the arrival of the guest, was never considered
dignified. Minnoo Bhai never gave me the feeling of being the samdhi and we
always had very interesting conversation.
“You should teach the recipe of the halwa to your daughter in law as
well”. He would say.
“that was within your duties; why didn’t you teach her!” I
retorted.
” I have just given them education”. He would just add with a smile.
They had given good education to all their children and all of them had
studied in convent schools. His wife too is a simple soul and extremely humble
– a feature that has been passed on to the children. Their eldest daughter is
married to Masood Bhai’s son. The next one was married in the family of Zakkoo
bubu and the Mehar was the youngest.
In this particular aspect, I have been extremely fortunate. All my three
daughter in laws have been remarkably good beyond description. Even
as Mona came from altogether different surrounding and different culture, she
completely molded herself as per our value system. Her dealings and
treatment are no way different from that of mine. She is extremely hospitable
to the sister in laws and always has gifts for them for every occasion. She
looks after me well and takes care of my every need has a genuine
concern for my entire family. On the occasion of Eid, She would
invariably get new clothes for all the elders of the family and always ready to
help everyone with alacrity.
Next is Shama whom I have seen since her childhood days. She has always
been very modest. Surprisingly, she is very bossy over her own children. Both
the children, Mashallah, are very obedient and nice. The son Danish is studying
in Medial College and daughter Lubna has come out of high school. As Shama
belongs to the same family, and hence she has never given me the feeling of
being a daughter in law and instead I treat her like a daughter.
And the youngest one is Mehar. Her behavior with everyone has been so good
that they all have become like kith and kin. She stayed with me for nearly a
decade and when Mona returned from Saudi Arabia, she stayed like her younger
sister as we all stayed together. Much later when Ejaz was transferred to
Moubhandar near Jamshedpur and I went along with them in the beginning. Mona
wrote a letter to her that now when I come from the hospital I miss you a lot
and I weep after remembering you, All the three Phuphies of
Ejaz always were full of praise for her.
Now that I am talking of my good fortunes bestowed by Allah, I would
further like to add to my list and feel good about them. Allah has been
exceptionally kind to me for having given me son in laws all of them have been
exemplary. I have never been able to feel that they are not my sons. None of
them, has ever uttered a single word that has caused any kind of distress for
me. My sons have sometimes been terse to me which momentarily hurts the
feeling; but this has never happened as from any of my son in laws. The first
two son in laws both didn’t have surviving parents and I guessed that could
possibly be the reason we received so much love, affection and respect from
them. But Niamat and Qamar both had a full family and still I find them so
closely attached to me. All of them have never uttered anything untoward.
Ejaz being the youngest of all my children, is more free informal with me.
Whenever I am singing praise of my son in laws or daughter in laws, he gets
cheesed off and repeats me that all the son in laws are so decent and all the
daughter in laws are worthy – only we brothers and sisters, all of us are
“Gobar Ganesh” (cow dung).
Once Ejaz was leaving for office in the morning when both his children
kept saying bye-bye from the balcony of the first floor, to which he did not
respond. I felt bad about it and when he returned I asked him about it saying
that proper response to the children acts as encouragement for them.
Ejaz replied that I am exactly what you have made me like. I had no answer to
that.
In the presence of Mehar, I have repeated a number of times that Reyaz and
Ejaz have been the ones closest to me – but Ejaz does not agree with me and
quarrels with me on this aspect. Taking his side, Mehar tries to
pacify me that he understands it but just does not let his feelings come to the
surface. He had quit his studies in Delhi when he realized that Amman was all
alone when you had once fallen ill. When Ejaz was very young, I would jokingly
ask him:
“When you start earning will you keep me with you?”
“Bhaiya will do that.” Used to be his answer. “But why?” When I
asked, He would say “Just like Daadi Amman has been staying with the eldest son
Abba, similarly you will be with Bhaiyya.”
In reality, it has turned out to be like that only.
Reyaz has, In more than one ways, proved himself worthy of being treated
as my favorite. Twice I have been operated. The first one was of gall bladder
in Patna and the next time of the vertebral column. This one was considered
complicated by the local surgeons who suggested that it can be handled abroad
only. America was ruled out as it required insurance cover else it
had to be expensive beyond anyone’s means. If that problem had been allowed to
continued, I would have been crippled long time back. May God bless Reyaz for
getting it done under special arrangement in Gizan and bearing air expenses not
only for me alone but also that of an attendant. He then took both me and
Haliman Bua for umra by plane. Allah never denies due compensation for good
deeds.
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Chapter
INDEX.------------------------------------
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